With the start of the year behind us and the resolutions already broken, the depression sets in and the inevitable comparisons of what is wrong with our lives compared to what we dreamed about, our shortcomings and the adventures untaken with the seemingly spectacular achievements and travels of friends and acquaintances. The diet abandoned as we watch the beautiful people around us, paths never taken or goals that remain unachieved start to fester and make us feel even more inadequate than usual.
For me, this time of the year is the worst – I tend to reflect on where I am, realise that decisions to lose weight, bedazzle my work colleagues or find the idea that will make me rich are probably as unlikely to happen as the dreams I once had for my life.
Once I have wallowed for a while and eaten too much chocolate (once again), my natural optimism returns. Despite everything, I still believe in the sanctity of dreams. Dreams should never be given up on or allowed to die. Without our dreams and imaginings for our lives, the day-to-day living can become very meaningless, so that we feel that we are treading water, hoping to keep our heads up and not drown in the minutiae of this new decade.
Why do we give up on those dreams? Are they simply to big for us? Or do we simply believe in the inevitability of failure?
Maybe the costs are simply too high. The impact on others, the responsibilities we acquire so quickly and inevitably. Suddenly we realise that we have been putting off the first steps (or the next step) for a more opportune moment. Sometimes we consciously give up on the dream and try to mourn it as quietly as possible.
Of course, to those lucky enough (or courageous enough) to be living in a present-tense wholly of their choosing, with a bright future that promises to be fulfilling and exciting, this may not be making much sense. They understood how precious those dreams were and never gave up.
Maybe the source of my discontent is the shattering of dreams by those closest to me – one parent telling me that my dream was unachievable, another telling me that it was unaffordable and my partner and best friend scared of losing me. My self-esteem was never the best so it was easier to simply give up and believe that I wasn’t good enough, strong enough to have what I wanted. Now I realise that, with the wisdom of years, I should have fought back, should have made my own way and not waited for others to make my dream a reality. Now, its probably even more impossible than ever – there are simply too many demands on me to allow for a selfish pursuit of what would make me happy. And so, I mourn anew at the missed opportunities and the frustration of my dreams.
What we imagine for ourselves is wholly personal, something that is probably difficult to share or even articulate to another person. Sharing our dreams takes a huge amount of trust and should be treated with the solemnity and reverence that such a sharing of the soul requires.
We rarely take the time to reflect on dreams. Our goals for life tend to be reactionary – paying off the credit card bill, spending more time with the kids, studying so that we can make that career advancement (so that we can earn more money and pay off that credit card bill!). Maybe we are scared to reflect too deeply as we may not want to disturb the careful status quo that we have built.
Other dreams for my life have been achieved and I have also come to realise that dreams are not necessarily static or unchanging. As we grow and experience more of life, new dreams arise and new ideas emerge. The most important thing I have learned is how sacred dreams are. They may seem insignificant to others or they may be bigger than us – it doesn’t really matter. They are precious, the inspiration for our lives, the vision that defines who we are not just what we are.
So, now that the inevitable goals for what you will do differently this year have been forgotten, the grandiose promises that were made over a bottle of champagne long broken, it is time to dust off those dreams, think big and start an adventure.
“I follow nothing but the compass of my instinct
No matter where it leads, I know it will take me to the brink
And leave me there by myself and all alone with my dreams”
Taken from Sanctity of Dreams by Live!
